At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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