Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
