for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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