jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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