I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
