$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
