babies were throwing up all over the place
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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