Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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