it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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