I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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