google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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