now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
