There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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