I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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