Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
