hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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