Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
