I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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