I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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