thus making me awesome and them whores
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
