last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
