hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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