i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
