he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
