My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
