your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
