You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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