I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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