i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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