I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
