The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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