I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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