Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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