So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
