glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
