lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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