All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
