Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
