Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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