How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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