went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
