I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
