just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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