I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
