Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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