She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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