Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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