Screwed.edu
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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