i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
