yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
