i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
