I just pynch a tree in the face
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
