I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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