The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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