u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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